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Going Back to My First Love

October 2, 2009 by Alana Allen

Ephesians 2:4-9

Two years ago when I was in college working at a bakery there was an older man that I considered a great friend and mentor.  During this time I was in school, interning, and working and struggling all at the same time.  This man would speak to me all the time and share stories with me about GOD.  Being young and immature at the time, I would just ignore the conversations and say “Oh that’s nice”.  However, one day when I was worn out he spoke to me and said he had been praying for me and that GOD had told him to tell me to go back to my first love.  Not knowing what that meant, I continued to live my life without a care in the world.  Yes I prayed sometimes but it wasn’t enough to really say I had a relationship with GOD.  To be honest, I really thought I had a relationship with GOD but I was completely wrong.  So for the past two years I lived my life the way I wanted to.  I dated a guy that wasn’t for me that added on to my struggles in life.  He had me so depressed that I would drink alcohol just to get through the night. I alienated my family and called them when I wanted to.  I worked 9 to 10 hours a day at my dream job and would never wake up and say THANK YOU GOD! I just went about my business, never considering everything that GOD had done for me.

However, living a life not ordered by GOD will lead you down a path that will result into something unexpected.  For me this was the result, I lost my job, my money, and my way of life.  I had hit rock bottom and when I came to myself like the prodigal son I realized I needed to go back to GOD.  So when everything happened I just knew I would be able to bounce back and get everything straight in my life.  I just thought if I prayed a good prayer everything would happen like magic but it didn’t.  In my distress, I started to go church at Word of Life Tabernacle.  This is when I learned about having FAITH in GOD and receiving his AMAZING GRACE.

All of my life I’ve always heard how GOOD GOD is but when you experience it for yourself and you realize everything he did for you; You just have to say THANK YOU GOD. During the times I wanted to give up, I still said THANK YOU GOD, during the times when I couldn’t pay my bills and I didn’t have money for groceries, I still said THANK YOU GOD, when my gas hand was on E and I only had $5 in my account, I still said THANK YOU GOD.  Every time I got into a bind GOD made a way out for me and I’m GRATEFUL.  When GOD blesses you during hard times when things look impossible; it strengthens your FAITH. It helps you to believe that GOD will bring you out of anything just as long as you BELIEVE that he will.  GOD can do anything because he is the master of DELIVERANCE; he will supply all of your needs according to his riches in glory by CHRIST JESUS. Right now in your life you need to learn how to praise GOD at all times not just when things are going good.  PRAISE GOD when you get in the secret place because you know that he is there. When you pray to GOD just tell him THANK YOU for everything because he loved us first even when we didn’t love ourselves.   Isn’t it amazing how the gospel songs say I’M RUNNING BACK TO YOU LORD but what you haven’t realized is that GOD never ran away from you because he was there the whole time waiting on you to come back.

 

“Believe that GOD will do a performance in your life because your thoughts will map out your destiny.”

Alana V. Allen

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Consider Jesus

September 7, 2009 by Alana Allen

A message from the heart….

Sometimes in life things get hard and storms continue to beat down on us.  Things get so hard that you feel like quitting but deep down inside you tell yourself to keep believing that GOD will deliver you. 

Over the past couple of months I’ve experienced storm after storm and I keep believing that GOD will bless me.  I know what its like to have something taken away or not having the correct amount of money in my bank account to pay a bill.  However, I consider Jesus the author and finisher of my FAITH.

When I find myself getting discouraged or upset about not having a job, I seriously check myself and just remember the blessing that GOD has for me.  I’ve learned that patience is a virtue and you seriously have to just continue to praise GOD for everything that you have now and his grace that is abound towards you.  I always tell people to not look at my situation right now, however look at where I’m heading! My future looks so much brighter because I’ve made a promise to GOD that I would not turn away from him even when things get hard.  I just know when the devil continues to mess with me, he is just trying to get me distracted because he see’s what GOD is about to bring me out of.  We battle each other everyday because the devil tries to convince me that GOD will not bless me and I continue to put pressure on the WORD of GOD GLORYIFYING the ALMIGHTY GOD.

So when I say consider Jesus I’m referring to Hebrews 12: 1-3 that tells us to consider Jesus who endured the cross and died to save us when we are going through situations:

 1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with patience the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. 

Right now, I want you to think about your situation and think about what Jesus went through because there is no comparison.  When Jesus was crucified he was beaten with whips, spat on, crowned with thorns, nailed to a cross, and was pierced in his side.  As we all know this is not the end of the story because JESUS conquered the grave and received all power in his hand.

So whatever you’re going through; not being able to pay your bills, can’t find a job, you need healing, or whatever it may be just CONSIDER JESUS because he is the WAY, the TRUTH, and the LIFE.

 

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FAITH DEFINED

June 10, 2009 by Alana Allen

What is Faith? Faith is belief and trusting in GOD that everything he says will happen.

Here is my journey of FAITH…

It all started on March 12, 2009 I went to work just like any normal day.  I did my work, made phones calls, and it was just a normal Thursday.  However that wasn’t the case, around 12pm my boss walks up to me and says he needs to talk to me, I walked into his office with a pen and paper and the moment I sat down I already knew it was bad news.  My boss tells me that he is laying me off due to clients cutting back.  I was in utter shock and disbelief, I remember going numb and not feeling my legs.  My dream job had just slipped through my finger tips within 2 minutes.  I remember walking out of the office devastated because my life had changed.  I was so faithful to my job, so loyal to my work, so wrap up into everything.  How could this happen to me?

As the day went on, I walked around in a daze, I was lost and shocked about the news I’ve heard.  I remember going home and I began to pray, I felt so down that my nose was touching the ground.  I refused to ask GOD why because my FAITH started to kick in and I said to GOD whatever you have for me it is for me.  I had reached the lowest point in my life and I didn’t know what I was going to do.

I began to gather myself and remember that I am a child of GOD and I needed to hear his WORD and understand it.  On Sunday morning, I did something totally different than my regular schedule I went to church.  Let’s just say when I was working I was always putting work before GOD.  I always wanted to make sure I had everything done and I missed out on church because I was too busy to hear the WORD.  The WORD of GOD now became my healing for my lost.

I was able to come to myself and realize the things I’ve done wrong in my life. The WORD started to flow through me so much that I began to share it with everyone I knew.  If it was through text, Facebook statuses, Twitter, I was going to share my FAITH through my experiences.  

FAITH Preparation

This is the point in my life when GOD started to work on me on the inside.  He knew there was one thing that I hid inside of myself that was hurtful.  He knew of a secret so dark that I kept for over 18 years.  I had never forgiven my cousin for molesting me at a young age; I had lived in fear, pain, and misery for years because this happened to me.  So one day as I’m sitting in bible service the pastor starts to teach about deliverance.  He shared the story about Meshack, Shadrack, Abendigo being delivered from the fiery furnace.  They had so much FAITH in GOD that they knew that he would surly deliver them.  So as we began to pray GOD spoke to me and said how can you help other people but you won’t allow me to help you.  Next thing I knew I had forgiven my cousin for 18 years of misery and I let it go.  It is in the past and I am still here to this day to share my story.   

Great Grace is upon Me

Grace is now my favorite word because it means unmerited FAVOR received from GOD.  FAITH is the channel that GRACE is received through.  This is what made my FAITH so much stronger because I wanted GOD to bless me with a job.  I made prayer a lifestyle and not a hobby because I’m so serious about being a servant of GOD.  GOD is too awesome for me not to give him the praise that he is worthy of.   To be honest, I applied for so many jobs and I never heard anything back from them but I never gave up hope.  I never stopped believing that GOD would send his Amazing Grace.

Sowing Seeds is a Lifestyle

Next lesson I learned in order to be blessed I had to sow some seeds so GOD will send the harvest.  As I’m in church praying, I began to say GOD I need you in my life, I want to be blessed and don’t have much.  GOD I give myself to you as a seed and I give you this tithe and offering because I know you will supply all of my needs with your riches and glory.  Please GOD help me to become a giver so I can bless other people. So I began to sow my seeds and I learned how to be a blessing to other people.

Blessing Confirmed!

Usually when you plant seeds the purpose of seeds is to grow.  So as most of you know I’m a freelance writer and PR consultant; all of sudden my business started to flourish overnight.  I began to receive phone calls from people saying they wanted to work with me and they wanted to pay me.

Testimony

The only way you could ever have a testimony is only through a test.  Everyday since March 12, 2009 I stopped telling GOD about my storm and I started telling my storm about my GOD.  I began to read the WORD, understand the WORD, and know the WORD of GOD.  I am BLESSED because GOD has given me great GRACE.  This journey was a deep, emotional, and spiritual experience.  I’m so blessed in my life; I have no wants because I know GOD will supply all of my needs.  My FAITH was tested everyday and I could have easily given up but my FAITH WAS TOO STRONG TO BE BROKEN.  I am more than a CONQUEROR, I am the HEAD and not the tail, I am the LEADER and not the follower. I am highly BLESSED and I will continue to sow my seeds for GOD to bless me.  My FAITH has changed me and I’m not turning back because there is a bundle of blessings with my name on it.  I might have lost my job but this journey has gotten me closer to GOD through my FAITH.

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I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

March 11, 2009 by Alana Allen

caged-bird
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
Lewis B. Smedes

Today I did a big thing and forgave someone that was deeply nested in my spirit and mind. Even though this person has been out of my life for quite some time, I still allowed him to take power over me.

There were many nights that I prayed to GOD because I was still angry with myself or just upset about my past. GOD would speak to me and say Alana you must forgive and know that power does not belong to man, and only to me because I AM GOD. It’s amazing how many times he told me this and I still found it so hard to accomplish. I would tell myself that I had already forgiven him but deep down inside I was still hurt.

I continued to pray about my situation and I started to feel that enough was enough! In spite of everything that was done to me, I thanked GOD for helping me to forgive my enemy. GOD helped me to realize that I was only holding myself back and that I needed to LET IT GO. So I decided to tell GOD that I was going to put it in his hands and that I FORGIVE myself.

I forgive myself for allowing someone to take power over me and make me weak minded. I embodied my feelings like a prisoner. I kept myself in solitary confinement; feeling and knowing one thing and that was pain. It was a passionate pain that I’ve felt and carried in my spirit.

However, right now I am so much stronger because I FORGAVE myself and I told the person today that I FORGIVE him and I wish him well. I have opened the door and now I understand what Maya Angelou meant by I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings-He Sings of FREEDOM.

And now I AM FREE

I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings
By Maya Angelou

The free bird leaps
on the back of the win
and floats downstream
till the current ends
and dips his wings
in the orange sun rays
and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks
down his narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings
with fearful trill
of the things unknown
but longed for still
and is tune is heard
on the distant hillfor the caged bird
sings of freedom

The free bird thinks of another breeze
an the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn
and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing

The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.

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“Temporary Insecurities”

February 18, 2009 by Alana Allen

 

Have you ever been with someone and all they did was complain about the things you did? You could never do anything right; even if you put your heart into it, they still didn’t think it was good enough. When in reality, your only intentions were to make them happy but the end result turned into a “temporary insecurity”.   

Sometimes as women we are conditioned to make men happy even if we are not happy with ourselves for doing it.  Sound sad huh? But these are things we do to make the men we love happy even when he puts up a big fuss about how long it took or it just wasn’t good enough. 

I should know I was one of those females who would try my hardest to make someone happy and I would put my heart into it, making sure everything was perfect but to them it was a big waste of time.  As the relationship progress, my hard work turned into a “temporary insecurities”.  I started to think everything I did was not up to par; I didn’t feel confident in myself when I did things even if it was something he needed I still had in the back of my head those insecurities telling me I was not good enough.

Those temporary insecurities ate at me and made my life miserable! So finally one day I gained enough courage and walked away from all the expectations and standards and told the guy to shove it up his a%$!

I dropped him like a bad habit and I dropped those temporary insecurities because it wasn’t me, it was him who was not happy with himself.  He would bring me down because he was not happy in his life.  Everything I did for him was not good enough because he couldn’t do the same for me.  So if it was not on his level then it wasn’t good enough for him. Understand?

So now ladies when you start doing things for a man and it’s not making you happy please re-evaluate your self-worth and look at his situation.  Analyze his actions and way of thinking, if he is selfish, you don’t need him, if he acts childish, you don’t need him, if he doesn’t take the effort to make you happy for all of your hard work, then honey you definitely don’t need him. You know why, because everything will always be about him and the only way to fix someone like that is to drop them when they least expect it.  Because when you’re gone they can’t take advantage of you or make you feel like crap when your only intentions were to make them happy.

So drop those “temporary insecurities” and embrace someone that’s much better than your ex. To be honest, it doesn’t take long to get over the insecurities because they were only temporary. 

 

 

 

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I Have A New Attitude

January 29, 2009 by Alana Allen

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Have you ever been around someone with a poisonous attitude? Every time they say something, it’s always negative and you feel like they just suck the life right out of you like a vampire.

Honestly, the people you associate yourself with reflect who you are as a person. When you hang out with negative people; you’re not as happy as you should be. BUT when you hang out with someone who is positive you tend to smile more and feel more alive.

However, if you’re the vampire you really need to look in the mirror and realize that you’re killing your friends with your attitude. It’s okay to express how you feel but start looking at the world in a totally different light. I’ve learned over the years when you speak, you speak things into existences. When you say “I’m fat and ugly”, you view yourself that way and you don’t take care of yourself the way you should. But when you say “I Am Beautiful, Confidence, Intelligent, I AM ME”…then you feel better about yourself and you encourage others around you to be great.

Your attitude is your confidences; your confidence is your self-esteem. Your self-esteem is how you view yourself. Everything is pretty much a cycle that reflects who you are. So I encourage you to be great and I challenge you to succeed in what people may say is impossible for you to do.

Stay blessed and know that God is Love!

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Mirrors

January 26, 2009 by Alana Allen


The mirror can be the nicest or meanest item in your household. It can tell you so many things about yourself that may be true or false. I’ve heard women say I couldn’t even look in the mirror because it hurt so bad just to face the truth.

Sometimes women depend on the mirror to tell them things differently because someone in their life put them down with their actions and words. Sometimes it’s unbearable to face; I do admit there were times when I had a hard time looking in the mirror.

However, I stopped the negatives thoughts in my mind and started listening to GOD say Beauty is Within Alana.

So the next time someone puts you down or makes you feel low, you tell them to go look in the mirror so they can see how UGLY their words are. Then you say to that person, “if you can’t take me as I am, then you might as well not have me at all” and then you walk away with your head held high because you don’t have time for that drama!

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My Testimony of Letting Go

January 25, 2009 by Alana Allen


Dear God,

I thank you for helping me to let go of all the negativity that was in my life before. I was with a boy who didn’t know the definition of being a man. He took me to a state of mind that I couldn’t escape while I was with him. He was a sorry individual that wasted my time and energy.

God you helped me realize he was not the person for me. Finding out about the lies and cheating was my breaking point at the end. I realize he didn’t care about me the way I deserved to be cared about. However, I found out that I love myself more than I ever loved him.

Even though I was bruised on the inside, he could never break my spirit and my drive to better myself. He was jealous of my success but what he didn’t realize was I worked hard for everything I ever earned. God you blessed me for praising you through the good and bad times and provided me with my successes.

The day I walked away from my ex was the most empowering feeling I ever experience. I told him everything I knew and I was ready to let him go. With his ignorances and nonsense of being a man he disrespected me with his words and only thought of him self. When I walked away, I walked away strong with my head up with a new reality in my life. However in 2 weeks, I received a phone call from him saying he didn’t realized that it was over and I had moved on. When I had told him from the beginning that I was done with him.

I figured he would be okay and I returned all of his things and I spoke my last words to him. I told him he could take whatever thoughts he had and give it to those females he was lying to. Also, he could take every expectation and demand to someone else that cared enough to do it. In result, he replied and said he wanted me back and I told him it shouldn’t have taken him 2 weeks to realize what he had lost. I told him he took my love for granted and drained me dry. I told him the ATM was close and he needed to find someone else that would let him withdraw as he pleases.

He is not a part of my life anymore and I am BLESSED because the weight of frustration, anger, disappointment, depression, sadness, and hurt is gone.

Thank you God for helping me to realize my self-worth and my undying love I have for myself. Through this storm you have made me stronger and a better woman that is not BROKEN.

Today I am able to give my love to a man that appreciates me and loves me for me. He takes care of me and nurtures my happiness. I love him dearly and he gives me hope for the future

Thank you God for blessing me in so many ways!

Inspirational Quote I Was Blessed to Hear

“I Stopped Telling God How Big My Storm Was and Started Telling My Storm How Great My God Is”

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When I Speak His Name

December 6, 2008 by Alana Allen

This poem is dedicated to my boyfriend, and when I first wrote it, I cried the entire time.  He has truly taken me to new place in my life called “The Pursuit of Happiness”.  He fulfills every part of me and being with him makes me a better woman.  

Enjoy…

When I speak his name
He gives me peace
He reminds me of a cool breeze on  a summer’s day
That you just love to keep
Every day spent with him is truly a blessing from God
I cherish his heart , his mind, and his spirit
When I lay upon his chest
I escape into his embrace and I have no fear
He loves me for me
And he reassures me every day that his love is real
I am a Queen in his eyes
And he treats me as if I am royalty
I love this man, who I call my King
When I am asked about him
I am so anxious to tell of all the great things he has fulfilled in my life
He is my peace of mind
When I speak his name…
 

 

 

Orrin and Alana

Orrin and Alana

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